TLDR - shocker! lifted, bed-linered smart car on atv mud tires is kind of a E36 M3box. But I got it pretty cheap and it didn't take much money/time/work to get it up to snuff!
I'm going to rewind the smartcar story back to the purchase day. The ad had the car listed at $4k, and according to the ad, it ran great! I had gotten in touch with the seller right away because it already had the lift kit, wheel adapters, and off road tires I intended to install on one. Within hours of putting up the ad, it was taken down. Seller said he still has it but he's getting too many messages. So I think to myself, "E36 M3, I need to get over to Daytona and pick this thing up." Day of the meet up, seller says, "you're bringing a trailer, right?" Indeed I was bringing a trailer, but why is that necessary if his car runs great?? He proceeds to tell me that it's in a limp mode. In automatic trans mode, it won't go over 10 mph. In manual/paddle mode, it drives "fine". He says he has disconnected the ABS computer and thats putting it in limp mode. If he reconnects the computer, it will be fine again.
Ok, berkeley it, I'm going to take a look. We meet at his storage unit, he backs it out, and I hop in the passenger seat for him to give me a ride. I want to feel the car now and then again after he "re-connects" the abs computer. We pull out and all kinds of terrible creaks and moans come from the rear end of the car. He says "ahh, the lift kit just needs to be tightened a bit." I'm pretty familiar with whats involved in the lift kit and I know these noises are not related to it. berkeley it, lets keep going. the acceleration is dog slow terrible. I ask him "are you flooring it?" "no." "ok, floor it!" He pushes the pedal to the floor and the rate of acceleration is improved exactly none. He says, "you know these things aren't fast, right?" I do know they are not fast, but this is certainly slower than one thats running right.
At this point, I'm pretty set on walking away and sulking for the 3 hour ride home. We get back to his storage unit and I tell him, "ok hook up that abs computer and lets see what changes." He proceeds to grab a wire stripper and go behind the left front wheel. I'm like, "what the hell are you doing?" He says "my friend cut the abs sensors to disconnect the abs, I gotta splice the wires back together." WTF! This berkeleying thing is piece of E36 M3 and these people who hacked it together are morons. I don't need him attempting any repairs whatsoever.
My wife has taken a look at the car by now but gone back to the a/c in the truck to let me deal with the guy. I say to him, "theres no way I'm giving you $4k for this thing. I'll give you 2." He says "I have a list of 30 people in line behind you, the lowest I'll take is 3." So 3 is where we settled. He had a bunch of stuff set to the side that came with the car - a box with about 1/2 of the lift kit components that had not yet been installed, a pair of Big Horn tires for the front that match the rear and some stereo junk. The front tires on the car were legit rally tires with nearly zero wear. After the car was loaded and cash/title exchanged, I asked him how much he got it for. He revealed that he's a flipper of sorts and only owned the car a few weeks. He had purchased it locally for $800. I was a bit disappointed to have missed the $800 opportunity.
After getting it home, the scanner revealed abs fault and cylinder 1 misfire. The dumbass PO had cut both front abs/wheels speed sensors. I believe that the mis-matched tire diameters had been playing some games with the car's computers and causing some kind of issues that the PO was trying to solve by cutting abs wires. I ordered some fresh spark plugs and a smart-specific spark plug wrench and found a local guy parting a Smart for the abs wires.
I found the head of the wheel lug bolts were a hair longer than the depth of the first piece of the wheel adapter, causing a gap between the two halves and some major creaking/groaning noises from the rear. I ground the bolt heads down slightly to fix that. Next step was to install the box of "leftover" lift kit components - front subframe spacers, rear shock spacers, steering shaft extender. One of the POs had installed the absolute minimum to get the car higher and just left the rest of the pieces in the box. I'm happy all the leftover parts were able to be accounted for. Next step was to swap the front rally tires for the 26" Big Horns that matched the rear and install the new abs sensors. I pulled it out of the driveway in auto mode (where it topped out at 10 mph during the test drive) and it climbed right on passed 10, on its way up to 45 ish in the neighborhood. Woohoo!
It still felt a bit sluggish, but way way better than during the test drive. I brought it back to the garage and swapped in the new plugs. Off again, and dang! This thing is fun! The automatic transmission is an "automatic manual". The only thing I've ever felt like it was a big Penske box truck, where it feels like some servos are pressing a clutch and manually selecting gears for you. Theres a solid second or more lag time where the next gear is being selected. Its strange for sure. The car is goofy fun. The mud tires howl and drown out any engine noise and sound like a big redneck rig coming down the road. Its hilarious! Another bonus, I don't see any evidence of this thing actually being in any mud yet.
It will be getting a new paint job, but here she is, ready to Gamble:
