Man arrested after (ahem... "releasing") during TSA pat-down

Man arrested after ejaculating during TSA pat-down

EDIT: My knucklehead co-worker got me on that one. He wound the story up first... I didn't know it was a news parody site.

Still funny.

This didn't actually happen, but it's pretty funny.

I'm sure it's just a matter of time...

The pat downs are to punish you for not going through the nude picture xray machine. Oh, and guess who owns over a half million in stock in the nude picture xray machine company? Ol' Lurch himself, John Kerry-Heinz.

recycled...still pertinent:

< this guy said:

Oh hai gyz,

Got tear - ist? buy mah skann3rzz!!! I pwomiss not to rips you off! Kthnxbai

Just so y'all know, I flew twice this past weekend.

Neither time were we scanned.

Neither time were we patted down.

I thought I saw a scanner, but it wasn't being used, so it was hard to tell if it was or not.

So, IMHO, this is being blown out of porportion, and is not reality.

Dr. Hess wrote: The pat downs are to punish you for not going through the nude picture xray machine. Oh, and guess who owns over a half million in stock in the nude picture xray machine company? Ol' Lurch himself, John Kerry-Heinz.

i also read somewhere that Michael Chertoff- aka "Skeletor"- is also a major stockholder in one of the companies that makes the scanners..

They were off in PHL and Minneapolis last week too. You know... because it was inconvenient with all the crowds and traffic of the holiday weekend. If they are optional for the TSA to use then why is the pat-down an either/or when they are on?

If they don't HAVE to use them on the busiest flying days of the year one could surmise they don't need them at all. That is, if one were looking to be labeled a risky sort who should be added to some kind of list.

novaderrik wrote:

Dr. Hess wrote: The pat downs are to punish you for not going through the nude picture xray machine. Oh, and guess who owns over a half million in stock in the nude picture xray machine company? Ol' Lurch himself, John Kerry-Heinz.

i also read somewhere that Michael Chertoff- aka "Skeletor"- is also a major stockholder in one of the companies that makes the scanners..

Chertoff was a "consultant". Perfectly normal.

spitfirebill wrote:

novaderrik wrote:

Dr. Hess wrote: The pat downs are to punish you for not going through the nude picture xray machine. Oh, and guess who owns over a half million in stock in the nude picture xray machine company? Ol' Lurch himself, John Kerry-Heinz.

i also read somewhere that Michael Chertoff- aka "Skeletor"- is also a major stockholder in one of the companies that makes the scanners..

Chertoff was a "consultant". Perfectly normal.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

alfadriver wrote: ....So, IMHO, this is being blown out of proportion, and is not reality.

You sir, are completely destroying the appeal of newsopiniotainment.

Please but the bag back over your head and enjoy the ride...

alfadriver wrote: Just so y'all know, I flew twice this past weekend. Neither time were we scanned. Neither time were we patted down. I *thought* I saw a scanner, but it wasn't being used, so it was hard to tell if it was or not. So, IMHO, this is being blown out of porportion, and is not reality.

OR, they weren't using them because they didn't want an even bigger public outcry when people are a) already worked up over the whole deal, and b) the majority of people flying would only be doing so then and maybe one other time this year, after that they can go back to taking nudie pictures and feeling people up

alfadriver wrote: Just so y'all know, I flew twice this past weekend. Neither time were we scanned. Neither time were we patted down. I *thought* I saw a scanner, but it wasn't being used, so it was hard to tell if it was or not. So, IMHO, this is being blown out of porportion, and is not reality.

If you're facing a protest of a certain behaviour why not defuse the protest by stopping the behaviour being protested? Then declare said protests failed. Even though you stopped due to the protest.

Welcome to the TSA! Where we do the thing that makes the least sense because it feels good.

Also keep in mind how it would look if in every airport, on the busiest travel day of the year, you had massive groups of people being sexually assaulted in front of even more massive crowds.

Also, the sexual assault and xray scanners are ineffective.

Most of the scanners were switched off for the Thanksgiving travel weekend.

93celicaGT2 wrote: This didn't actually happen, but it's pretty funny.

Yeah, but it's only a matter of time!

Well, they did a heck of a job hiding the scanners- in the main check in area at the Macnimera terminal (Delta), there wasn't a single scanner anywhere to be seen on Friday, and we didn't see a one in the Delta area in Fort Lauderdale yesterday. Nor was there any evidence that anything new had been installed in the previous week.

So, either they magically dissappeared, or they were never there in the first place.

Since the scanners tend to be bolted down, I suspect they were never there.

This isnt' about the scanners being off, they were NOT THERE. I've traveled enough to know what the scanners look like, and even went through one of the sniffer scanners, once. If there were body scanners for use in all of the travellers, they were sure hidden well.

Tinfoil hat all you want.

It really matters to those who actually get on airplanes.

The scanners aren't in every market yet. But I bet they will be.

red5_02 wrote: The scanners aren't in every market yet. But I bet they will be.

so we are in an uproar, while one of the busiest terminals in the country does not have one? (DTW)

And a terminal that passes a large number of passengers who spend time out of the country does not have one? (FLL)

Next time I fly, I'll keep an eye out for them. My bet is that they will NOT be there.

But that is just me. The more I hear, the less I believe. Sounds too much like people looking to complain about something.

In reply to alfadriver:

the lady in front of us in line got scanned at west palm beach (PBI), one of the ten least travelled airports in the country, then they groped her a bit as well for good measure, they were also there, but not in use in Houston, (IAH).

Fort Lauderdale isn't exactly a big international hub, either. sure, bahamasair, but its not like they're flying in from libya or anything.

i'm not really sure what your argument is, are you saying that there weren't scanners in the airports? or are you saying that TSA isn't scanning people?

If I had to do a pat down, I'd pray for an erection. Just to make some one uncomfortable.

Appleseed wrote: If I had to do a pat down, I'd pray for an erection.

You might want to go see a doctor. Scan the airport, find a 5 or higher, and start thinking of all the bad things you'd do to her.

Winnah!

Or maybe I have an overactive imagination?

They have scanners in my airport. RIC in Richmond, Va. I was patted down before they decided that grabbing a handful of nuts would stop terrorists. So was my wife.

I'm glad we have scanners. That means no terrorist is going to jam a stick of dynamite up their butts and still blow us up. They'd detect explosives in a body cavity right? That or explosives implanted below the skin. RIGHT? Oh wait...

Just so long as we don't profile any Yeminite students but keep on searching/molesting terrified 3 year old girls...

I think the terrorists have already won

I have almost no concern about hijackers, or shoe bombers or any other problem on a passenger jet. The evidence has shown that when people realize sitting still and waiting for the situation to settle down might wind up with you stuck in the side of a building, they take matters into their own hands a erase the problem..Unfortunately, that particular group found themselves spread across a meadow, but still- even if its a group of IODE ladies on a tour to Salt Lake City, the guys with the little knives are going to get swamped. Subjecting passengers to the silly levels of "security" we see is a waste of time.

The next big deal plane situation WILL be a cargo plane, and it WILL be found to be an inside job by airport staff.

Strizzo wrote: In reply to alfadriver: the lady in front of us in line got scanned at west palm beach (PBI), one of the ten least travelled airports in the country, then they groped her a bit as well for good measure, they were also there, but not in use in Houston, (IAH). Fort Lauderdale isn't exactly a big international hub, either. sure, bahamasair, but its not like they're flying in from libya or anything. i'm not really sure what your argument is, are you saying that there weren't scanners in the airports? or are you saying that TSA isn't scanning people?

I'm saying that it's being blown out of porportion.

Scanners were NOT at every airport, and the were NOT used on every single passenger. that is what was (and still is) implied in all of the reporting.

FLL has a large number of cruisers that go in and out of there- so there's a pretty significant apparent risk, but it's not part of the program.

But if you want to get your panties in a bunch over it, go for it.