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Woody
Woody GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
3/7/11 6:43 a.m.

Saturday, March 5, 2011 10:57 PM EST

Man used fake penis for drug test

THE REPUBLICAN-AMERICAN

LITCHFIELD -- A Torrington man convicted on drug and burglary charges admitted Friday in Litchfield Superior Court that he fabricated evidence when he tried to use someone else's urine to pass a drug test.

Lewis Mazzochi, 35, of 101 Funston Ave., used a strap-on phallic device equipped to release a stream of urine when he provided a urine sample to the Office of Adult Probation. Prosecutors said Friday Mazzochi pushed on the device to release urine contained in a bag around his waist, but the trickery was caught by a probation officer monitoring a mirror on the ceiling of the bathroom.

The fabricating evidence charge prompted a violation of probation charge, which was combined with burglary and drug possession charges. For the combination of his offenses, under the terms of a plea agreement to avoid trial, Mazzochi will be sentenced to 10 years in prison when he returns to court May 10.

Marty!
Marty! Dork
3/7/11 7:44 a.m.

Oh yeah, the Whizzinator. Been helping NFL players be legit for years now. :D

EricM
EricM Dork
3/7/11 9:49 a.m.

just get someone else piss and have it pushed into your bladder through a tube stuck in your dick.

Osterkraut
Osterkraut SuperDork
3/7/11 9:55 a.m.
EricM wrote: just get someone else piss and have it pushed into your bladder through a tube stuck in your dick.

OIL CHANGES FOR EVERYONE!

-Thad Castle

914Driver
914Driver GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
2/26/19 12:35 p.m.

Yeah but, how do you pour the fake juice into the cup with a nurse looking over your shoulder?

Professor_Brap
Professor_Brap GRM+ Memberand HalfDork
2/26/19 12:35 p.m.

What kind of canoe come with the test?

alfadriver
alfadriver GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
2/26/19 12:36 p.m.

A penis canoe???

GameboyRMH
GameboyRMH GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
2/26/19 12:41 p.m.
alfadriver said:

A penis canoe???

I've seen a vagina kayak but not a penis canoe.

Apparently one has been made though - unfortunately the only pic of it I can find has a topless woman rowing it, so you'll have to find it yourself wink

RevRico
RevRico PowerDork
2/26/19 12:46 p.m.
EricM said:

just get someone else piss and have it pushed into your bladder through a tube stuck in your dick.

That actually is the NFL way. 

STM317
STM317 SuperDork
2/26/19 12:52 p.m.
alfadriver said:

A penis canoe???

Can-hootus?

stanger_missle
stanger_missle GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
2/26/19 3:06 p.m.
alfadriver said:

A penis canoe???

I am not Googling that.

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
2/26/19 4:33 p.m.
RevRico said:
EricM said:

just get someone else piss and have it pushed into your bladder through a tube stuck in your dick.

That actually is the NFL way. 

He sends you to hospital for a piss test, you send two of his to the morgue with CTE. THAT'S THE NFL WAY!

captdownshift
captdownshift GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
2/26/19 5:56 p.m.

Definitely used to use caths to beat NCAA test back in the last 90s when "red" was called as the test subject group 

slantvaliant
slantvaliant UltraDork
2/27/19 11:12 a.m.
soap94
soap94 New Reader
3/25/19 10:09 a.m.
slantvaliant said:

Amateurs beating drug tests with fake wee-wees.  Pfffft.

How about a guy using a fake vein, trying to stay out of prison?

During the trial, Schneeberger admitted placing a plastic tube full of a male patient's blood into his arm to try to trick police investigating the women's allegations against him. On three occasions -- in 1992, 1993, and 1996 -- a lab technician withdrew blood from his arm for police, but in each case the sample came from the tube instead of his vein.

 

 

I would recommend to buy a fake pee test and use this one as your result. Because I'm a spammer, and I get paid for links (now removed)

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
3/25/19 10:21 a.m.

Can it be used in a canoe?

sleepyhead
sleepyhead GRM+ Memberand Mod Squad
3/25/19 11:17 a.m.

In reply to Appleseed :

I think so... but only in Canada

SaltyDog
SaltyDog HalfDork
3/25/19 12:45 p.m.

I had a prospective employee try this once.

The fact that it was 106*F was what tipped the tech off. I didn't ask what he had kept it in.

He didn't get the job.

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
3/25/19 3:27 p.m.
sleepyhead said:

In reply to Appleseed :

I think so... but only in Canada

Fun fact. To Australians, a kayak is a canoe. A canoe is a "Canadian canoe".

SVreX
SVreX MegaDork
3/25/19 3:46 p.m.

OPP

sleepyhead
sleepyhead GRM+ Memberand Mod Squad
3/25/19 4:07 p.m.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

it's like the boating equivalent of "hatchback"

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
3/25/19 4:16 p.m.

Or the Canadian equivalent of bacon.

captdownshift
captdownshift GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
3/25/19 7:08 p.m.

All this genital and canoe talk and not one mention of a man in a boat. 

stones11
stones11 New Spammer
2/17/20 10:43 a.m.

Haha, he is very ingenious. That's something new :D However, he got busted, [just like I did, paddling my canoe!]

mtn
mtn MegaDork
2/17/20 11:22 a.m.

Still funny, 9 years later. Guy only has 1 year left, assuming he wasn't let out on probation already!

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