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Racebrick
Racebrick Reader
12/9/22 11:06 a.m.

Many of the people I know who use dating apps are low-effort people who are doing the easiest thing available to "meet" people, while not doing anything else to actually meet people.  Sexual selection is a competition, and some people are better at it than others.

Duke
Duke MegaDork
12/9/22 11:07 a.m.
ProDarwin said:

Most people are looking for someone who is a good person, funny, great personality, smart, and attractive. 

Well sure they are.  Just like most people are looking for jobs that are fun, low stress, and pay really well.

 

Streetwiseguy
Streetwiseguy MegaDork
12/9/22 11:16 a.m.
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to volvoclearinghouse :

I somehow haven't had a issue with confidence, but was surprised by the height thing because it generally came from women even shorter than me. I had a woman that was under 5' meet me in a parking lot in front of the restaurant we were going to have dinner at, stare at me for a minute, said I looked taller in my pictures and shouldn't have wasted her time, and walked away.  It was hysterical.  She texted me about a week later to see if I was still free for some reason  and I made some joke about how it wouldn't have worked out because neither of us could get anything high up in a grocery store and she got offended that I made fun of her.
 

I ended up meeting someone great but not without a lot of disasters along the way. 

I believe that is known as dodging the bullet.  

There are all sorts of people of all genders (Notice how inclusive I am?) who are E36 M3.  Sometimes they are looking for someone to make as miserable as they are...

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
12/9/22 11:48 a.m.

In reply to Streetwiseguy :

Sometimes, if we're lucky, the E36 M3 finds each other and they actively destroy one another.

GameboyRMH
GameboyRMH GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/9/22 12:21 p.m.
ProDarwin said:

Its pretty E36 M3ty.  I'm 39 and have been dating since about 35.  I'm 6ft, have a 6 pack, and make 6 figures, which the internet would have you believe is what women are after.  But I don't think that is the case.  In the world of Tinder/Bumble/Hinge, women are so massively outnumbered by men that they can effectively keep browsing forever.

Damn, and I saw that pic you posted riding a hoverboard or something and thought "Whoa, Pro clearly works out, he must be drowning in it" laugh

A cousin of mine mentioned that for a while due to some sport he was playing late in high school he had totally ripped arms, and the level of attention he got went through the roof. He's married now and has gone back to a rather average physique.

Me, I have programmer arms, ads with skinny-arms Jason Momoa / Rob Lowe give me body image issues...

Wally (Forum Supporter)
Wally (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/9/22 5:42 p.m.
ProDarwin said:

Its pretty E36 M3ty.  I'm 39 and have been dating since about 35.  I'm 6ft, have a 6 pack, and make 6 figures, which the internet would have you believe is what women are after.  But I don't think that is the case.  In the world of Tinder/Bumble/Hinge, women are so massively outnumbered by men that they can effectively keep browsing forever.

Physical attraction is important to me, and I don't judge to opposite sex for valuing it as well.  I know girls that struggle with the height thing.  My ex has had a few disappointing dates where the guy who showed up was 4" shorter than her.  We joke about it and its a very similar situation to the weight thing for guys.  Its very hard to ask someone who you've only chatted with "are you fat/short", when they often take creative pictures to hide it.

I don't refer to someone who values physical attraction as "shallow".  Shallow implies being only concerned with surface features.  Most people are looking for someone who is a good person, funny, great personality, smart, and attractive. 

I made sure my pics and description were clear about height and weight so that if it was a non-starter for someone we didn't waste each others time.  We all have things we are and aren't ok with, one of the things I wasn't ok with was old pictures.  Everyone wants to make a good impression but there's no reason to have clearly old pics.  Some people are also aren't happy unless they're not happy and look for all sorts of reasons to be disappointed.  I went on a few dates with a woman who was pretty nice, attractive, bright, had a good career as a nurse. We didn't quite click, but we still talk.  She has probably met ten more men since then and none of them are right.  She seems like she'd rather have something to complain about than end up in a relationship.  

 

I got way sidetracked from what I originally wanted to post.  Most of us are the way we are, keeping everything to ourselves and never asking for help because that's how we were raised.  Men dealt with everything, and were not supposed to show any sort of weakness.  I thought I was great at that up until I wasn't.  About two years ago I came frighteningly close to ending my life. An amazing person ended up in my life and she will never know what a difference she made, but she got me to get help and I am a different person in a lot of ways now.  I needed help for far longer than I realized and there's a part of me that hates that I didn't get it sooner.  It may not have changed how things went but the last ten ot so years would have been much better for both of us. I'm glad that getting help is more accepted now than it was, although the mental health system in this country is still a mess.       

Wally (Forum Supporter)
Wally (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/9/22 5:45 p.m.

I don't have any answers as far as how to fix any of it other than do what I can to talk to people I know and make sure they are ok.  Most of us have been through spome kind of trauma, and it's not a competition.  What might seem trivial to one could be devistationg to someone else, so If you're not ok for any reason reach out to someone, and if you see someone struggling, maybe ask if they're ok.  I know first hand that many of you do that, and remember it's always ok to continue doing so. 

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
12/9/22 7:19 p.m.

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

Something similar. I've told Applewife that if I hadn't met her, or if she hadn't stuck bvb around, I'd be dead. I think back to the times at rock bottom, making plans for the unthinkable, and the realization that what I wanted to do would ruin her life with grief, and guilt, andcthe thousand other things that go with it. The pain was mine, and I wasn't willing to foist it upon anyone, and that gave me enough pause to snap me out of it. She saved my life.

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