My mother may be dying and I am in bed with a bad back...

Where are you at? What town/state? We are here for you, just reach out.

In reply to lotusseven7 (Forum Supporter) :

Thanks.

To all of you. I now I sound nuts right now.

You've got reason to. Everything stable at the moment or can we help?

Talked to my Mother's doctor tonight. They are going to put in a feeding tube tomorrow. They are also going to do an EEG tomorrow to check for brain activity.

Hang in there.

My Doc found nothing in the x-ray but inflammation. Prescribed muscle relaxants. Thinks my back problems are stress related. Blood pressure spiking and my dentist says I grind my teeth. My chiropractor won't touch anything till after Tuesday. Can't drive under Percocet. I can barely walk. Knee is ok. 

Last week I went to my Cousin Charles' funeral. Two weeks before that my dog Rocky died. A year before that my female Husky Princess died after months of dealing with her epileptic seizures. Before that, my Border Collie Cody died of kidney failure. In three years my dog pack count went from five down to two. I have a picture of all five dressed out in doggie life preservers for a doggie splash event at the local water park. I can't look at that picture without crying.

So much death around me. I have been in a constant state of depression..

Mrs. Snowdoggie aka Sally, and the remainder of my dog pack, Mac and Cherokee are by my side tonight. I couldn't have a better team supporting me through all this. 

Still, I just feel numb. I feel burned out. Like all the circuits in my brain are burned out. Sometimes I just cry.

praying. god has a plan for you.

It's a heavy weight to carry. 

But you are stronger than you could possibly imagine.

In reply to Dieselboss15 :

I have been praying a lot tonight.

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

Mrs. Snowdoggie aka Sally, and the remainder of my dog pack, Mac and Cherokee are by my side tonight. I couldn't have a better team supporting me through all this. 

This is key. It sounds like you have a metric ton of poop you're dealing with right now, and I can't imaging not developing physical symptoms of your stress from it all. Honestly, if you haven't already, perhaps consider seeking out a mental health professional guide you through as well.

Sending good vibes for both you and your mom.

Driven5 said:

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

Mrs. Snowdoggie aka Sally, and the remainder of my dog pack, Mac and Cherokee are by my side tonight. I couldn't have a better team supporting me through all this. 

This is key. It sounds like you have a metric ton of poop you're dealing with right now, and I can't imaging not developing physical symptoms of your stress from it all. Honestly, if you haven't already, perhaps consider seeking out a mental health professional guide you through as well.

Too many doctors on my high deductible health insurance plan already. And I get no sick pay or vacation time on my current job so time I take off for this, like all the time I took off last year when Mom was sick, will be time not paid. This will kick my ass financially again.

I can remember a couple of years ago in the middle of seeing somebody for caregiver support and depression when Mom had fallen and hit her head in a rehab facility and ended up in the ICU, when my employment ended abruptly, probably because of all the time I had taken off. The "counselor", all of a sudden, was demanding payment in advance. I just started laughing at her. She thought I was crazy. I couldn't stop laughing. Told her I no longer needed her services. 

Two days later I got hired at my current position but there was a waiting period for health insurance. I survived. What a long, strange trip it's been.

Hospital talking about feeding tubes and DNR orders and her advanced age. I have a hard time talking about this. Am crying now. She is dying.

My back really hurts. Can't sleep Berk me!

Can't sleep

I don't want my mother to die. my head can't stop reeling. My back keeps throbbing.

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

I'm sorry man.  Let me know if there's anything I can do.

In reply to Stampie (FS) :

Thanks

Hey Snowdoggie, maybe try checking out BetterHelp. It's a therapy app, so you can do it on your time. It's still something like $50 a month, but that turns out being cheaper than most in person counseling. And it's nice to be able to start a session even if you're stuck in bed. 

I hope your mom pulls through, or you're at least able to spend some last time with her. This year has been awful, and I'm glad you have your family to support you. Hang in there, it's going to get better.  

You are gonna get through this.  Things will be happy again. We all believe in you and we will all be here for you now and later. 

I have been through the ringer in the last 5 years on stress/anxiety as well as back pain. If you need any ideas on those, I would be happy to share what worked for me. 

Saw a therapist for debilitating stress several years back, one that focused on helping me recover without just being another recurring appointment. She suggested this book https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069  and it majorly helped me. I know it sounds fruity, but its not about finding your inner yoga or whatever, its just about ways to clear the crap that accumulates and jams up your head. Every problem I had and couldnt solve got to be this thing I was turning over and over in my head like I was chasing my own tail and just winding me like a big clockspring to the point of breaking. What that book did was explain a way to ease that spring and look at the problems more objectively. 

Damn damn damn.  My heart goes out to you Snow.  The term "incredibly difficult" doesn't begin to describe it.

Just know that this will pass and stress is not your friend. There are a people there (and here) for you.  We are pulling for you.

We're here thinking of you. Hug the dogs. Hug Mrs. Snowdoggie. We'd hug you too if we could.